yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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