things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
