Jerry, you need to find god
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
