Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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