it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
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I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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