BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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