first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
