Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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