i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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