Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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