Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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