i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
