Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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