I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
