i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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