does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
