I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
