Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
