You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Less talking, more tequila
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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