it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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