u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
