I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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