we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
