I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
