Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize