it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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