I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize