i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think people are normalizing furries
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
