sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
