I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
