He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
