Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
