respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
