i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
