Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
