I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
