the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just pee around me
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
