Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
nutella sex= disaster
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize