I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
