Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(614): View more from Ohio

Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.

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(914): View more from New York

i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"

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(682): View more from Texas

While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.

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(773): View more from Illinois

Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...

(856): View more from New Jersey

YOU ARE MY HERO

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".

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(810): View more from Michigan

Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.

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