I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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