Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize