Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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