I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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