my vag is so smooth its legendary
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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