Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
