Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
