I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
