Do you still have your period?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
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She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.