she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
