I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"