I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
