sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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