i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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