I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
it's not cheating when I paid for it
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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