I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
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I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
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What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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