i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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