one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
