I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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