She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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