Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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