Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
