I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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