my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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